In my dream last night I was in the kitchen of our old house talking to my then husband about the baby I had just had (as the dream progressed, this baby was represented by my youngest daughter). I was asking if he thought we had done the right thing by letting an attorney woman we knew raise her for the first couple of weeks. He said he definitely thought we did, as I had been too sick to care for her, and what were a couple of months to an infant?  In the dream I went to lay down and thought of the baby, how she wouldn’t even recognize the scent of her own mother as I had never been allowed to hold her before they took her from me. I found it very distressing, and started to cry.  I counted the time since I had given birth and realized that 3 months had passed, that my baby was no longer a small, newborn baby. This freaked me out; I had to get my child FAST before she lost the ability to sense me as her mother.

I went back to my husband and told him that we had to get the baby, that she needed me and I missed her. He said that it was not time yet.  I asked how much time he expected to pass before we could bring her home? He didn’t answer immediately, and I started to scream at him that I wanted my baby. He told me he thought we should wait until she was a year old, or maybe not get her at all. I lost it; started to punch and scream and cry. He told me that I couldn’t go get the baby, that the transfer had been an adoption and that I was no longer the baby’s mother. I was horrified! I accused him of never wanting to be a Dad to begin with and of stealing my baby. I swore that I would get her back no matter what and mentally started to plot a kidnaoping…..then I woke up.

When I awoke, I was extremely agitated. Reviewing the dream sequence was so weird.  It had no relevance to the person my ex-husband is (a very loving and hands on father of 4) or my relationship with my daughter. My ex always wanted children, and always spends time with our daughter. I have never let my children out of my sight, let alone thought of not keeping them (well, maybe once or twice as they hit the teens years!) Not sure why I had this dream, but it was unsettling to say the least. I’ve always been a vivid dreamer, but this was decidedly different in texture than most of them.


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